Amazon: Helping Me Grow Continuously More Lazy. . .

I recently had a great need to replenish the groceries in the homestead, but time/exhaustion/lack of desire prevented me from going to the store.  Instead, I recalled those bright green trucks from Amazon Fresh driving around the city and wondered how that worked.  And yes, there's an app for that. 

 

If you live in the Seattle Metro, I highly recommend giving this service a whirl just once for the sake of exploring how awesome it is.  The first time I ordered, I came home from work and my groceries were magically at my doorstep.  The second time I ordered was this week and it was equally delightful.  I woke up and the groceries were magically on my doorstep, just like before.  This service seriously rocks if you are tight on time and the pricing is competitive on many products.

 

My only complaint is something to be expected.  Because the food is being delivered, it has to be packaged in containers that will keep it cool, which is fantastic.  However, the way they are packaged allows for plenty of room for items to shift around during delivery.  As a result, my peaches were bruised.  For the record, they still tasted great.  On my most recent delivery, one of the cleaning supplies leaked a little, but the packers had been proactive by double bagging it so it had not leaked on anything else.  In spite of this, I fully intend on utilizing the service again.  I haven't had to pay delivery on either order because of the dollar amount and the nominal tip is worth it to me to not have to spend time wandering the grocery store and label reading since I have food allergies/picky preferences.  The best part, the items you've previously ordered are saved for even more efficient online ordering.  AND you can add to the order if you forgot something, even after they have started processing it. 

 

Seriously, this is a life-changing and awesome service.  I know other grocery chains have tried similar services, but I feel that Amazon really knocks out the competition with this one because there's more to it than just groceries.  I am excited to see what the future holds for this company.  I remember when I went to them just for books.  Now I order cat supplies, instant video streaming, holiday gifts, etc.  High five, Amazon, on making my life so much easier!

Top 10 Things I Have An Irrational Fear Of

This post is inspired by my hesitation to get into the shower last night since the drain strainer thingie is broken. That will make more sense in a moment I hope. In the meantime, here is my list of the top 10 things I have an irrational fear of in no particular order.

10- Blatantly open drains with no drain strainer thingie on them (I don't even like to reach down into the garbage disposal area if something gets stuck): This may seem silly, unless you have seen the movie Stephen King's It and then it should be understandable. Which leads me to my next one. . .

9- Clowns: Seriously, what the hell is up with these guys? Ugh!

8- Dolls: They remind me of clowns in a way and there is nothing worse than a doll dressed as a clown with the creepy make-up and the blank stare. If you wonder about how someone develops pediophobia (which sounds more like "fear of pedophiles" than "fear of dolls") then I would encourage you to watch the first Child's Play movie.

7- Heights: I get woozy and feel like vomiting just standing on a ladder so that was great when I played Emily in "Our Town" my senior year of high school and had to stay on a 12 foot ladder that was intended to mime my upstairs bedroom for a significant period of time.

6- Being trapped: Which easily ties in with my dislike for elevators and bathroom stalls with tricky latches. I was watching the "Buried Alive" segment on the show Mythbusters the other night and thought I was going to have to turn it off because I couldn't stand seeing the guy getting buried in the coffin while still alive. Which also ties in to my issue with. . .

5- The Dark: This one is pretty typical of small children but embarrassingly enough and much to my mother's chagrin, I had a nightlight until I was 12 and used to fall asleep with a light on all the time back when I lived by myself. Go ahead and laugh. I still do until that shadow starts to take on the shape of the latest escapee from prison.

4- People Sneaking Up On Me From Behind: Don't do it. Not even as a joke. Just trust me and the boys who have shin scars from my kicking them.

3- Social Events: I am a seemingly very extroverted person with extensive public speaking and performance experience and even I still dread the mingling with strangers and mindless small talk. I want to become a hermit just thinking about it and thanks to the current weather situation in Seattle, I may actually achieve that status (I haven't left my house since Tuesday and it is now Friday just to give you an idea).

2- Childbirth: The thought of birthing another human that will inevitably look like an old man or an alien or both from my loins not only petrifies me but disgusts me. Hopefully adoption laws lighten up in the near future because I don't think I can mentally handle feeling something moving inside of me and kicking my bladder for an extended period of time. Plus there's the whole ickiness of water breaking, and blood, and stitches, and something called afterbirth (whatever that is) to contend with. Surely some nice 17 year old out there wants to be adopted into a "good" home?

1- Creatures with more than 4 legs or less than 2: I especially take issue with spiders, bees/wasps/anything that stings, the family of pedes, and those ugly bastards that can survive a nuclear holocaust, cockroaches. Snakes would fall into this category but I am less bothered by them than those listed in the previous sentence. I am cringing and shaking my head just thinking about it. I am grateful to have cats that point out when something invades our sanctuary so that I can get rid of it prior to it defiling our living space. Apparently they are also good for keeping scorpions away, which was an added bonus during our stint in Arizona. Amputees are exempt from this category as they cannot help their situation and pose less of a threat than that hobo in the corner (meaning spider, not homeless train-hopping person).

The Particular Sadness of This Book

I will just cut to the chase here: I did not enjoy Aimee Bender's The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake. What began as something I perceived to be a touching story of family trials and triumphs ended in a "what the hell?" moment that resulted in my questioning the decision to finish this book. That being said, I will give the author props for a unique concept and style. The book was definitely interesting, but tedious.

What probably contributed to the tediousness factor is the fact that dialogue throughout the novel is not separated by traditional quotation marks that we as readers are accustomed to seeing in order to process conversation within a story. Also, I kept waiting for a climatic moment and what could possibly be considered that intended moment ended up being too inconceivable to appreciate. I should have known better considering that the story is based on a young girl's ability to taste the feelings of the people who cook the food she eats. I am likely too much of a realist to appreciate the potentially haunting beauty behind this story. Unfortunately for me, I didn't take this into account and now that ends up being several hours of my life I can never reclaim invested in a piece of literature I did not care for with characters I could not connect to for whatever reason.

I Heart You, Laurie Notaro!

Let me preface this post by saying that I have read every Laurie Notaro book published up to this point and have found each one able to be related to and delightful. The publishers who initially turned her down thus forcing her to publish her first book herself should be ashamed as she is a fantastic writer who puts the awkwardness of being a woman out there for all to enjoy. Her latest book, It Looked Different on the Model: Epic Tales of Impending Shame and Infamy was probably my favorite out of all of them. I found myself laughing out loud to the point of scaring my cats (and probably my boyfriend, come to think of it).

For those of you not familiar with this glorious gem of a writer, Notaro is mostly known for her collections of humorous essays on the everyday events of her life that tend to take not so everyday twists, typically ending in some sort of self-deprecation or embarrassment. She does have a couple of fiction novels that are also funny, but it is her autobiographical collections that keep me coming back for more. Perhaps I take sick pleasure in the misery of others and their misfortune. Most likely though, it is because I believe we all have a bit of Laurie lurking inside us. All those insecurities, moments of realizing clothing doesn't fit the way we planned, interactions with crazy neighbors, being the crazy neighbor. . . The only difference is so many of us women try to hide our idiosyncrasies and eccentricities while Notaro shares hers repeatedly and reminds us that we needn't take life so seriously.

I not only applaud you for your awesomeness, Laurie, but I look forward to continuing to read your creations for years to come.

Barbara O'Neal's "The Lost Recipe for Happiness" Equates the Lost Recipe for a Good One Day Read

Recently I stumbled upon The Lost Recipe for Happiness by Barbara O'Neal by randomly roaming the shelves at the library looking for something with an interesting cover/title to read. I didn't realize at the time that I had already read one of the author's other books, How to Bake a Perfect Life, which I would also recommend. The title alone drew me in and someone who loves to cook and who perpetually searches for happiness. I enjoyed this book enough to read the entire thing in one sitting, and while I don't recommend doing that necessarily, I do recommend adding this to your womanly reading repertoire.

The story revolves around chef Elena Alvarez, who got fired from her sous chef position at a restaurant by her former mate and executive chef after she was the primary focus of an article that was supposed to be about the restaurant. As she is leaving, she is approached by the owner of the restaurant who also happens to be a Hollywood director. He remembers her from when she started out at one of his other restaurants and wants her to come be the executive chef at a new place he is opening in Aspen. This is her dream of course, so Elena packs up her dog and heads off to embark on the challenges of moving to a new place, starting a restaurant, and fighting the ghosts of her past so that she can open her mind, heart, and soul to what lies ahead.

The story is engaging with its mysterious references to the main character's teenage tragedy, allusions to possible romance, and realistic depiction of the process of opening a restaurant. Since I am a foodie whose family has worked in that industry, I can appreciate how demanding the career is depicted because I have witnessed it first hand. Between trying to prove she can be a success in the kitchen and ensuring she remains physically able to do so as she contends with pain from the life-changing accident, the reader is left to wonder if Elena will in fact be able to find the happiness she seeks. Something I also thought cool about the story was the incorporation of how growing up half-Mexican in New Mexico impacted the main character. There is an emergence of Latino presence in modern literature, but sometimes the emphasis on what sets the characters apart culturally ends up detracting from the story line. In this case, the cultural influences are balanced and tied into the plot very well.

I look forward to reading this author's other two books soon!

Shocker: I Still Suck at Blogging

New year, new opportunity to suck less perhaps? We shall see. For now though, I am going to give this another start and share what I've been up to lately. After only a year and a half in the blazes of hell level heat in Arizona, I managed to rererelocate back to the Pacific Northwest. Before you think I write out how I stutter or didn't notice my spelling error, the 3 "re"s are intentional as this is my THIRD time moving back to the Seattle area. Um, third time is a charm I guess? At any rate, I am super fantastically happy to be back to my beloved grunge originating area and am thoroughly enjoying the experience with my domestic partner, Jacob. So far, I have enjoyed numerous walks, lots of great restaurants, and some of the most beautiful scenery in the United States. I have also been getting well acquainted with the library down the street, which you will be seeing the fruits of that labor shortly as I embark on reviewing my 2012 reads thus far in an attempt to get back into the blogging swing of things. On a crazy note, I have also taken up hot yoga since moving here which is ridiculous since I hate heat (I thought I was going to perish this past summer in Phoenix but somehow survived by the grace of God and the invention of coconut water with electrolytes). All in all, life is damn good right now and I just want to share that with whoever may be reading this. Namaste!