In no particular order, here are some of the things that I already knew to be truths, but 2013 gave me the kick in the memory I needed so that I could articulate the life lessons learned and move forward into 2014.
- It's okay to be lazy. You don't have to constantly be doing something. The house doesn't have to be spotless. You don't always have to be productive. Sometimes you need to spend an entire day in your pajamas in front of the television watching a whole season of a show you didn't know existed till now or in bed binge reading a book. That is acceptable behavior. No one is going to fault you for taking some time out for yourself. So, Erica, calm the f#$% down and relax already!
- I live with the most generous and patient person I have ever met in my life and tell him so on a regular basis so that he will know that I do not take his patience and generosity for granted. This person also happens to be my life partner and best friend whom I love and it's okay to tell him that. Yes, this person could someday hurt my feelings or tap out on the patience, but here and now in this moment, it's okay to make myself vulnerable and tell him how I feel. I do things I don't enjoy not to delude him into sticking around (wow, she must really enjoy doing laundry!) but to demonstrate that my words are sincere along with my appreciation. Relationships are hard! That doesn't mean they aren't worth it. So thank you, domestic partner, for showing me what I shut out of my life for so long and for laughing with me late at night while listening to Lonely Island songs in bed (This is the tale. . .).
- I am never going to be perfect. I spill coffee on myself. I will never be everything to everybody. I cannot fix every one's problems no matter how hard I try. Sometimes they don't want me to anyway. I will likely always see the flaws when I look in the mirror and feel like I should be doing more, whatever that means or is. However, I am always improving and that has to be good enough at this stage. I can't go back in time and change things around to yield a different result. I have good intentions and embrace the flaws. That's the glory of being in my 30's. I don't need to impress anyone. I just need to be. Forgive yourself for the shortcomings, continue on the path to improvement, and live the best life you can right now in this moment right here. Erica, quit looking back to the what ifs and revel in the now, because the now is pretty effing outstanding (and so are you in your own way that is not to be compared to anyone else's version of outstanding).
- Everyone, and I do mean everyone, also has something outstanding and fantastic and amazing about them. Yeah, you! You are great! Embrace your greatness and use it to make a contribution to those around you. EVERYONE has at least one positive quality and something to offer this world. What is your offering? Go out and make it happen!
- Forgive others and cultivate relationships that add positivity to your life. If someone is bringing you down all the time, maybe they don't need to be part of your inner circle anymore. That person who was mean to you as a kid. . . Forgive them and reconnect. We are all adults now and that sh!t is counterproductive. Family members done you wrong? Move on. And remember, not all families are blood relatives. Sometimes the toxic people you need to shed share your bloodline, and sometimes the people you need to invite into your family are the friends you meet along the way. This life is precious. Forgive. Move on. But always always always cultivate the good relationships along the way. If anything, that was my main takeaway from 2013 was the importance of the relatives I consider my family and the friends I have made into my family. I recall a billboard for a church when I lived in Boise that touted "It's all about relationships" and even though they were referring to the relationship with Jesus, it holds true regardless of faith preference. It really is all about relationships in life. You can lose everything material in life, but as long as you have good relationships surrounding you, then you can rest assured you will always be fine. Those people who love you? They may see you fail, but they will be there to lift you back up if you let them. Open your doors and your hearts to those around you and see the difference in how you approach life as a result.
- Just because your peers/family members/friends/"everyone" wants something at certain stages in their life, doesn't mean you have to. Don't let other people dictate what milestones you should be reaching at certain stages in life. Seriously, get off my back about marriage and a family. Just because that is the path someone else chooses doesn't mean it has to be the path everyone pursues. I get that I am not getting any younger and that it gets harder to have kids as you get older and that people don't view my partnership as being as legit since there wasn't an overpriced ceremony involved. But I am okay with it, so I wish others in my life would just be happy for me and quit worrying that I am missing out on something. I assure you I am not missing out on anything. I am happy for you and your spouse with your 10 kids and a house and all that comes with it. Be happy for me that I hang out with my best friend and 2 cats in our rental here in Seattle. Seattle is awesome. I like my life as is at this stage and don't feel a strong desire to change it. It's okay for people to want different things. If having babies makes you happy and buying property adds to that, then good for you! But I am not going to drag the partner down to city hall and start trying to breed just because that is what society tells me I should want or have at age 34. This was a tough thing to accept this year, but I came to terms with it. I felt bad about myself actually because of where I grew up and the pressure to want certain things for myself as a grown up. But not all of us can follow the same path and not everyone finds that special someone in this life or can produce spawn and we shouldn't fault anyone for that. If we opt to change that further down the road, it's because we wanted it, not because society or family members and friends told us we should. Less judging, more loving is the moral of that story. Now go hug your single friends with no kids because they probably get crap all the time about this stuff too.
- Rekindle your connection with something you love that you set aside for far too long. For me this was getting back into a choir. So. Much. Fun. I forgot how much I loved music and singing until I started doing it again. Best decision of 2013 was to quit procrastinating my desire to pursue this and go with it. Can't wait for choir to start up again for this semester!
- Yes, we all have lists upon lists of things we want to accomplish. For me it was upping my game with my photography, blogging regularly, producing artwork, and doing regular yoga this year. How much of that did I follow through on? None of it, sadly. I could approach this the way I initially did by being upset that I have nothing to show for my year of goals. Or I could be grateful to be alive and look at everything I did instead, like fulfill a lifelong dream of visiting London and seeing the Eiffel Tower in person, trying exotic foods and beverages, and having an amazing time along the way with awesome people. Yeah, let's focus on that instead. I still have time to do all that other stuff. Today I am grateful for what I DID do, not what I didn't get around to while I was out grabbing life by the balls and trying to enjoy the world around me.
- Seattle is the best place I have lived in and therefore gets it's own bullet point because it took me a 3rd time of living here to discover why I have always been drawn to be here outside of my love for Nirvana and flannel. Look around at my city! It's gorgeous! It's a city! So much to do on any given day. But even better, it's still small enough to run into people you know in random places and make connections to each other within a couple degrees of association. I am in awe of all that I witness here both good and bad. This is my home.
- There is always tomorrow. Unless you die today, which in that case you sure as hell better make the most of today because this may be all you have. Now go tell someone you love them and say "hi" to a stranger.
- Understand your limitations and be okay with them. This was my hardest part of learning this year. I don't want to be limited, but I am. And that's okay.
- Don't let your paycheck dictate who you are inside. I can't divulge much here without making it sound like I work with horrible people, it's just that I have noticed those around me who make substantial income but let money and making money and who keep up the perception of how much money they make are some of the most fortunate yet unhappy bastards I have ever met. They are a special breed of human with dollar signs for pupils in their eyes and no soul or heart in how they deal with people during their 40 hours a week at a desk. I learned that this is not for me. Would it be nice to be wealthy? Absolutely! But I never want to approach the people I am trying to help as a commodity or product or toss people aside because they don't contribute to my bottom line of making a stack of cash. Every person deserves to be treated with kindness, even if you don't intend to proceed with them any further. Don't be a douche just to make an extra dollar. You may not be rich in your bank account, Erica, but you can rest assured that your approach makes people feel valued in a way that money can't and you can know that this is what yields the true reward in life. This is the year I decided to quit chasing the dollar and focus on being as helpful as possible with those whose paths I cross in my professional life even if the result that approach yields isn't immediately evident in my paycheck. My job title is not who I am, it's what I do, and I want people who work with me to know what type of person I am through my actions outside of my job title. This may mean more changes ahead for me coming up, but I say "Bring it on, life. I'm ready!"
- If I could only give one bit of advice, I think it would be: if you don't like something about your life then change it. I know, easier said than done. But seriously, why stay in a rut if that rut no longer serves your higher purpose. Don't like your location? Change it! Don't like your job? Change it! Don't like who you spend your time with? Change it! Don't like the way you look? Change it! Don't like life right now in general? Then you need to make changes. Don't fear the change. Take the leap! Get off your a$$ and just go for it. Yes, it's scary as hell to make big changes, but you can do it. Remember all those relationships you cultivated? Those people will help catch you if you completely fall, but I suspect you'll come out of it all okay regardless. Go for it! You never know unless you try, blah blah blah insert some meaningful cliche here. Now quit your b!tching and go make yourself happy.
- Happiness is indeed a choice. That being said, make choices which make you happy while choosing to be happy. And if you have a down day along the way, it's okay to express that. Everyone has them. It's the moving onward that counts. I have health challenges that make it really easy to become bitter and "all woe is me". I remind myself though that I am alive and while the challenges are still there, I am going to choose to be happy. I AM HAPPY d@mmit and wish the same for anyone bothering to read this.
- Love in all aspects is fantastic! I am not talking romantic love here. I am speaking of love in general. Showing love, expressing love, feeling love. . . It makes life wonderful and beautiful and makes me wonder who I am right now and how I have come a long way through many journeys of trying to shut people out to draw this conclusion. My heart is a freaking welcome mat at this stage in my life, which is kind of scary but also really cool. So welcome to my heart and to my life.
- This list is too long. I am long winded. I really should resolve to be more concise in the coming year, but since I suck at consistently blogging (and subsequently forgive myself for sucking at consistency) I choose to embrace the long windedness and appreciate that I have a platform to express myself with.
I think that covers most of what I learned/was reminded of/wanted to share. What a year! This was mostly for me, but also a little for you whoever YOU are. I hope I/You got something out of it. I look forward to the challenges ahead, the life lessons I shall inevitably learn, the people I don't know yet but will, the people I do know now who I will continue my life's journey with, and posting even more pictures of my cats on Instagram and Facebook. Cheers to the door which closed at 11:59 pm on December 31st, 2013 and the one that just opened at 12 am on January 1st, 2014. Kirk out.
