Not Another Blog About New Years

I am mortified to see that I have not so much as touched this blog in well over a year.  What the hell, myself?  I have ideas all the time and apparently did not share any of them in 2013.  How selfish of me.  I should probably make a resolution to blog regularly or something, but we all know how that works out.  I resolve, I do okay on it for a bit, then time slips away, I beat myself up inside for failing in my quest to be creative, and we all know that is counter productive.  So I am going to set the mortification aside and forgive myself for being such a slacker in my personal endeavors in 2013 as I share my thoughts on the past year that apparently passed by even faster than I realized. 

In no particular order, here are some of the things that I already knew to be truths, but 2013 gave me the kick in the memory I needed so that I could articulate the life lessons learned and move forward into 2014.

• It's okay to be lazy.  You don't have to constantly be doing something.  The house doesn't have to be spotless.  You don't always have to be productive.  Sometimes you need to spend an entire day in your pajamas in front of the television watching a whole season of a show you didn't know existed till now or in bed binge reading a book.  That is acceptable behavior.  No one is going to fault you for taking some time out for yourself.  So, Erica, calm the f#$% down and relax already!
• I live with the most generous and patient person I have ever met in my life and tell him so on a regular basis so that he will know that I do not take his patience and generosity for granted.  This person also happens to be my life partner and best friend whom I love and it's okay to tell him that.  Yes, this person could someday hurt my feelings or tap out on the patience, but here and now in this moment, it's okay to make myself vulnerable and tell him how I feel.  I do things I don't enjoy not to delude him into sticking around (wow, she must really enjoy doing laundry!) but to demonstrate that my words are sincere along with my appreciation.  Relationships are hard!  That doesn't mean they aren't worth it.  So thank you, domestic partner, for showing me what I shut out of my life for so long and for laughing with me late at night while listening to Lonely Island songs in bed (This is the tale. . .).
• I am never going to be perfect.  I spill coffee on myself.  I will never be everything to everybody.  I cannot fix every one's problems no matter how hard I try. Sometimes they don't want me to anyway.  I will likely always see the flaws when I look in the mirror and feel like I should be doing more, whatever that means or is.  However, I am always improving and that has to be good enough at this stage.  I can't go back in time and change things around to yield a different result.  I have good intentions and embrace the flaws.  That's the glory of being in my 30's.  I don't need to impress anyone.  I just need to be.  Forgive yourself for the shortcomings, continue on the path to improvement, and live the best life you can right now in this moment right here.  Erica, quit looking back to the what ifs and revel in the now, because the now is pretty effing outstanding (and so are you in your own way that is not to be compared to anyone else's version of outstanding).
• Everyone, and I do mean everyone, also has something outstanding and fantastic and amazing about them.  Yeah, you!  You are great!  Embrace your greatness and use it to make a contribution to those around you.  EVERYONE has at least one positive quality and something to offer this world.  What is your offering?  Go out and make it happen!  
• Forgive others and cultivate relationships that add positivity to your life.  If someone is bringing you down all the time, maybe they don't need to be part of your inner circle anymore.  That person who was mean to you as a kid. . . Forgive them and reconnect.  We are all adults now and that sh!t is counterproductive.  Family members done you wrong?  Move on.  And remember, not all families are blood relatives.  Sometimes the toxic people you need to shed share your bloodline, and sometimes the people you need to invite into your family are the friends you meet along the way.  This life is precious.  Forgive.  Move on.  But always always always cultivate the good relationships along the way.  If anything, that was my main takeaway from 2013 was the importance of the relatives I consider my family and the friends I have made into my family.  I recall a billboard for a church when I lived in Boise that touted "It's all about relationships" and even though they were referring to the relationship with Jesus, it holds true regardless of faith preference.  It really is all about relationships in life.  You can lose everything material in life, but as long as you have good relationships surrounding you, then you can rest assured you will always be fine.  Those people who love you?  They may see you fail, but they will be there to lift you back up if you let them.  Open your doors and your hearts to those around you and see the difference in how you approach life as a result. 
• Just because your peers/family members/friends/"everyone" wants something at certain stages in their life, doesn't mean you have to.  Don't let other people dictate what milestones you should be reaching at certain stages in life.  Seriously, get off my back about marriage and a family.  Just because that is the path someone else chooses doesn't mean it has to be the path everyone pursues.  I get that I am not getting any younger and that it gets harder to have kids as you get older and that people don't view my partnership as being as legit since there wasn't an overpriced ceremony involved.  But I am okay with it, so I wish others in my life would just be happy for me and quit worrying that I am missing out on something.  I assure you I am not missing out on anything.  I am happy for you and your spouse with your 10 kids and a house and all that comes with it.  Be happy for me that I hang out with my best friend and 2 cats in our rental here in Seattle.  Seattle is awesome.  I like my life as is at this stage and don't feel a strong desire to change it.  It's okay for people to want different things.  If having babies makes you happy and buying property adds to that, then good for you!  But I am not going to drag the partner down to city hall and start trying to breed just because that is what society tells me I should want or have at age 34.  This was a tough thing to accept this year, but I came to terms with it.  I felt bad about myself actually because of where I grew up and the pressure to want certain things for myself as a grown up.  But not all of us can follow the same path and not everyone finds that special someone in this life or can produce spawn and we shouldn't fault anyone for that.  If we opt to change that further down the road, it's because we wanted it, not because society or family members and friends told us we should.  Less judging, more loving is the moral of that story.  Now go hug your single friends with no kids because they probably get crap all the time about this stuff too.  
• Rekindle your connection with something you love that you set aside for far too long.  For me this was getting back into a choir.  So.  Much.  Fun.  I forgot how much I loved music and singing until I started doing it again.  Best decision of 2013 was to quit procrastinating my desire to pursue this and go with it.  Can't wait for choir to start up again for this semester!  
• Yes, we all have lists upon lists of things we want to accomplish.  For me it was upping my game with my photography, blogging regularly, producing artwork, and doing regular yoga this year.  How much of that did I follow through on?  None of it, sadly.  I could approach this the way I initially did by being upset that I have nothing to show for my year of goals.  Or I could be grateful to be alive and look at everything I did instead, like fulfill a lifelong dream of visiting London and seeing the Eiffel Tower in person, trying exotic foods and beverages, and having an amazing time along the way with awesome people.  Yeah, let's focus on that instead.  I still have time to do all that other stuff.  Today I am grateful for what I DID do, not what I didn't get around to while I was out grabbing life by the balls and trying to enjoy the world around me.
• Seattle is the best place I have lived in and therefore gets it's own bullet point because it took me a 3rd time of living here to discover why I have always been drawn to be here outside of my love for Nirvana and flannel.  Look around at my city!  It's gorgeous!  It's a city!  So much to do on any given day.  But even better, it's still small enough to run into people you know in random places and make connections to each other within a couple degrees of association. I am in awe of all that I witness here both good and bad.  This is my home.
• There is always tomorrow.  Unless you die today, which in that case you sure as hell better make the most of today because this may be all you have.  Now go tell someone you love them and say "hi" to a stranger.  
• Understand your limitations and be okay with them.  This was my hardest part of learning this year.  I don't want to be limited, but I am.  And that's okay.
• Don't let your paycheck dictate who you are inside.  I can't divulge much here without making it sound like I work with horrible people, it's just that I have noticed those around me who make substantial income but let money and making money and who keep up the perception of how much money they make are some of the most fortunate yet unhappy bastards I have ever met.  They are a special breed of human with dollar signs for pupils in their eyes and no soul or heart in how they deal with people during their 40 hours a week at a desk.  I learned that this is not for me.  Would it be nice to be wealthy?  Absolutely!  But I never want to approach the people I am trying to help as a commodity or product or toss people aside because they don't contribute to my bottom line of making a stack of cash.  Every person deserves to be treated with kindness, even if you don't intend to proceed with them any further.  Don't be a douche just to make an extra dollar.  You may not be rich in your bank account, Erica, but you can rest assured that your approach makes people feel valued in a way that money can't and you can know that this is what yields the true reward in life.  This is the year I decided to quit chasing the dollar and focus on being as helpful as possible with those whose paths I cross in my professional life even if the result that approach yields isn't immediately evident in my paycheck.  My job title is not who I am, it's what I do, and I want people who work with me to know what type of person I am through my actions outside of my job title.  This may mean more changes ahead for me coming up, but I say "Bring it on, life.  I'm ready!"
• If I could only give one bit of advice, I think it would be: if you don't like something about your life then change it.  I know, easier said than done.  But seriously, why stay in a rut if that rut no longer serves your higher purpose.  Don't like your location?  Change it!  Don't like your job?  Change it!  Don't like who you spend your time with?  Change it!  Don't like the way you look?  Change it!  Don't like life right now in general?  Then you need to make changes.  Don't fear the change.  Take the leap!  Get off your a$$ and just go for it.  Yes, it's scary as hell to make big changes, but you can do it.  Remember all those relationships you cultivated?  Those people will help catch you if you completely fall, but I suspect you'll come out of it all okay regardless.  Go for it!  You never know unless you try, blah blah blah insert some meaningful cliche here.  Now quit your b!tching and go make yourself happy.  
• Happiness is indeed a choice.  That being said, make choices which make you happy while choosing to be happy.  And if you have a down day along the way, it's okay to express that.  Everyone has them.  It's the moving onward that counts.  I have health challenges that make it really easy to become bitter and "all woe is me".  I remind myself though that I am alive and while the challenges are still there, I am going to choose to be happy.  I AM HAPPY d@mmit and wish the same for anyone bothering to read this.  
• Love in all aspects is fantastic!  I am not talking romantic love here.  I am speaking of love in general.  Showing love, expressing love, feeling love. . .  It makes life wonderful and beautiful and makes me wonder who I am right now and how I have come a long way through many journeys of trying to shut people out to draw this conclusion.  My heart is a freaking welcome mat at this stage in my life, which is kind of scary but also really cool.  So welcome to my heart and to my life.  
• This list is too long.  I am long winded.  I really should resolve to be more concise in the coming year, but since I suck at consistently blogging (and subsequently forgive myself for sucking at consistency) I choose to embrace the long windedness and appreciate that I have a platform to express myself with. 

I think that covers most of what I learned/was reminded of/wanted to share.  What a year!  This was mostly for me, but also a little for you whoever YOU are.  I hope I/You got something out of it.  I look forward to the challenges ahead, the life lessons I shall inevitably learn, the people I don't know yet but will, the people I do know now who I will continue my life's journey with, and posting even more pictures of my cats on Instagram and Facebook.  Cheers to the door which closed at 11:59 pm on December 31st, 2013 and the one that just opened at 12 am on January 1st, 2014.  Kirk out.  

Amazon: Helping Me Grow Continuously More Lazy. . .

I recently had a great need to replenish the groceries in the homestead, but time/exhaustion/lack of desire prevented me from going to the store.  Instead, I recalled those bright green trucks from Amazon Fresh driving around the city and wondered how that worked.  And yes, there's an app for that. 

 

If you live in the Seattle Metro, I highly recommend giving this service a whirl just once for the sake of exploring how awesome it is.  The first time I ordered, I came home from work and my groceries were magically at my doorstep.  The second time I ordered was this week and it was equally delightful.  I woke up and the groceries were magically on my doorstep, just like before.  This service seriously rocks if you are tight on time and the pricing is competitive on many products.

 

My only complaint is something to be expected.  Because the food is being delivered, it has to be packaged in containers that will keep it cool, which is fantastic.  However, the way they are packaged allows for plenty of room for items to shift around during delivery.  As a result, my peaches were bruised.  For the record, they still tasted great.  On my most recent delivery, one of the cleaning supplies leaked a little, but the packers had been proactive by double bagging it so it had not leaked on anything else.  In spite of this, I fully intend on utilizing the service again.  I haven't had to pay delivery on either order because of the dollar amount and the nominal tip is worth it to me to not have to spend time wandering the grocery store and label reading since I have food allergies/picky preferences.  The best part, the items you've previously ordered are saved for even more efficient online ordering.  AND you can add to the order if you forgot something, even after they have started processing it. 

 

Seriously, this is a life-changing and awesome service.  I know other grocery chains have tried similar services, but I feel that Amazon really knocks out the competition with this one because there's more to it than just groceries.  I am excited to see what the future holds for this company.  I remember when I went to them just for books.  Now I order cat supplies, instant video streaming, holiday gifts, etc.  High five, Amazon, on making my life so much easier!

Top 10 Things I Have An Irrational Fear Of

This post is inspired by my hesitation to get into the shower last night since the drain strainer thingie is broken. That will make more sense in a moment I hope. In the meantime, here is my list of the top 10 things I have an irrational fear of in no particular order.

10- Blatantly open drains with no drain strainer thingie on them (I don't even like to reach down into the garbage disposal area if something gets stuck): This may seem silly, unless you have seen the movie Stephen King's It and then it should be understandable. Which leads me to my next one. . .

9- Clowns: Seriously, what the hell is up with these guys? Ugh!

8- Dolls: They remind me of clowns in a way and there is nothing worse than a doll dressed as a clown with the creepy make-up and the blank stare. If you wonder about how someone develops pediophobia (which sounds more like "fear of pedophiles" than "fear of dolls") then I would encourage you to watch the first Child's Play movie.

7- Heights: I get woozy and feel like vomiting just standing on a ladder so that was great when I played Emily in "Our Town" my senior year of high school and had to stay on a 12 foot ladder that was intended to mime my upstairs bedroom for a significant period of time.

6- Being trapped: Which easily ties in with my dislike for elevators and bathroom stalls with tricky latches. I was watching the "Buried Alive" segment on the show Mythbusters the other night and thought I was going to have to turn it off because I couldn't stand seeing the guy getting buried in the coffin while still alive. Which also ties in to my issue with. . .

5- The Dark: This one is pretty typical of small children but embarrassingly enough and much to my mother's chagrin, I had a nightlight until I was 12 and used to fall asleep with a light on all the time back when I lived by myself. Go ahead and laugh. I still do until that shadow starts to take on the shape of the latest escapee from prison.

4- People Sneaking Up On Me From Behind: Don't do it. Not even as a joke. Just trust me and the boys who have shin scars from my kicking them.

3- Social Events: I am a seemingly very extroverted person with extensive public speaking and performance experience and even I still dread the mingling with strangers and mindless small talk. I want to become a hermit just thinking about it and thanks to the current weather situation in Seattle, I may actually achieve that status (I haven't left my house since Tuesday and it is now Friday just to give you an idea).

2- Childbirth: The thought of birthing another human that will inevitably look like an old man or an alien or both from my loins not only petrifies me but disgusts me. Hopefully adoption laws lighten up in the near future because I don't think I can mentally handle feeling something moving inside of me and kicking my bladder for an extended period of time. Plus there's the whole ickiness of water breaking, and blood, and stitches, and something called afterbirth (whatever that is) to contend with. Surely some nice 17 year old out there wants to be adopted into a "good" home?

1- Creatures with more than 4 legs or less than 2: I especially take issue with spiders, bees/wasps/anything that stings, the family of pedes, and those ugly bastards that can survive a nuclear holocaust, cockroaches. Snakes would fall into this category but I am less bothered by them than those listed in the previous sentence. I am cringing and shaking my head just thinking about it. I am grateful to have cats that point out when something invades our sanctuary so that I can get rid of it prior to it defiling our living space. Apparently they are also good for keeping scorpions away, which was an added bonus during our stint in Arizona. Amputees are exempt from this category as they cannot help their situation and pose less of a threat than that hobo in the corner (meaning spider, not homeless train-hopping person).

The Particular Sadness of This Book

I will just cut to the chase here: I did not enjoy Aimee Bender's The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake. What began as something I perceived to be a touching story of family trials and triumphs ended in a "what the hell?" moment that resulted in my questioning the decision to finish this book. That being said, I will give the author props for a unique concept and style. The book was definitely interesting, but tedious.

What probably contributed to the tediousness factor is the fact that dialogue throughout the novel is not separated by traditional quotation marks that we as readers are accustomed to seeing in order to process conversation within a story. Also, I kept waiting for a climatic moment and what could possibly be considered that intended moment ended up being too inconceivable to appreciate. I should have known better considering that the story is based on a young girl's ability to taste the feelings of the people who cook the food she eats. I am likely too much of a realist to appreciate the potentially haunting beauty behind this story. Unfortunately for me, I didn't take this into account and now that ends up being several hours of my life I can never reclaim invested in a piece of literature I did not care for with characters I could not connect to for whatever reason.

I Heart You, Laurie Notaro!

Let me preface this post by saying that I have read every Laurie Notaro book published up to this point and have found each one able to be related to and delightful. The publishers who initially turned her down thus forcing her to publish her first book herself should be ashamed as she is a fantastic writer who puts the awkwardness of being a woman out there for all to enjoy. Her latest book, It Looked Different on the Model: Epic Tales of Impending Shame and Infamy was probably my favorite out of all of them. I found myself laughing out loud to the point of scaring my cats (and probably my boyfriend, come to think of it).

For those of you not familiar with this glorious gem of a writer, Notaro is mostly known for her collections of humorous essays on the everyday events of her life that tend to take not so everyday twists, typically ending in some sort of self-deprecation or embarrassment. She does have a couple of fiction novels that are also funny, but it is her autobiographical collections that keep me coming back for more. Perhaps I take sick pleasure in the misery of others and their misfortune. Most likely though, it is because I believe we all have a bit of Laurie lurking inside us. All those insecurities, moments of realizing clothing doesn't fit the way we planned, interactions with crazy neighbors, being the crazy neighbor. . . The only difference is so many of us women try to hide our idiosyncrasies and eccentricities while Notaro shares hers repeatedly and reminds us that we needn't take life so seriously.

I not only applaud you for your awesomeness, Laurie, but I look forward to continuing to read your creations for years to come.

Barbara O'Neal's "The Lost Recipe for Happiness" Equates the Lost Recipe for a Good One Day Read

Recently I stumbled upon The Lost Recipe for Happiness by Barbara O'Neal by randomly roaming the shelves at the library looking for something with an interesting cover/title to read. I didn't realize at the time that I had already read one of the author's other books, How to Bake a Perfect Life, which I would also recommend. The title alone drew me in and someone who loves to cook and who perpetually searches for happiness. I enjoyed this book enough to read the entire thing in one sitting, and while I don't recommend doing that necessarily, I do recommend adding this to your womanly reading repertoire.

The story revolves around chef Elena Alvarez, who got fired from her sous chef position at a restaurant by her former mate and executive chef after she was the primary focus of an article that was supposed to be about the restaurant. As she is leaving, she is approached by the owner of the restaurant who also happens to be a Hollywood director. He remembers her from when she started out at one of his other restaurants and wants her to come be the executive chef at a new place he is opening in Aspen. This is her dream of course, so Elena packs up her dog and heads off to embark on the challenges of moving to a new place, starting a restaurant, and fighting the ghosts of her past so that she can open her mind, heart, and soul to what lies ahead.

The story is engaging with its mysterious references to the main character's teenage tragedy, allusions to possible romance, and realistic depiction of the process of opening a restaurant. Since I am a foodie whose family has worked in that industry, I can appreciate how demanding the career is depicted because I have witnessed it first hand. Between trying to prove she can be a success in the kitchen and ensuring she remains physically able to do so as she contends with pain from the life-changing accident, the reader is left to wonder if Elena will in fact be able to find the happiness she seeks. Something I also thought cool about the story was the incorporation of how growing up half-Mexican in New Mexico impacted the main character. There is an emergence of Latino presence in modern literature, but sometimes the emphasis on what sets the characters apart culturally ends up detracting from the story line. In this case, the cultural influences are balanced and tied into the plot very well.

I look forward to reading this author's other two books soon!

Shocker: I Still Suck at Blogging

New year, new opportunity to suck less perhaps? We shall see. For now though, I am going to give this another start and share what I've been up to lately. After only a year and a half in the blazes of hell level heat in Arizona, I managed to rererelocate back to the Pacific Northwest. Before you think I write out how I stutter or didn't notice my spelling error, the 3 "re"s are intentional as this is my THIRD time moving back to the Seattle area. Um, third time is a charm I guess? At any rate, I am super fantastically happy to be back to my beloved grunge originating area and am thoroughly enjoying the experience with my domestic partner, Jacob. So far, I have enjoyed numerous walks, lots of great restaurants, and some of the most beautiful scenery in the United States. I have also been getting well acquainted with the library down the street, which you will be seeing the fruits of that labor shortly as I embark on reviewing my 2012 reads thus far in an attempt to get back into the blogging swing of things. On a crazy note, I have also taken up hot yoga since moving here which is ridiculous since I hate heat (I thought I was going to perish this past summer in Phoenix but somehow survived by the grace of God and the invention of coconut water with electrolytes). All in all, life is damn good right now and I just want to share that with whoever may be reading this. Namaste!